Yessss!

suitesomethings — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:51:26 +0000

need i say more?

back in the saddle…again! giving u more

suitesomethings — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 14:07:05 +0000

So after many many missed appointments, rescheduled shoots, unanswered phone calls and blantant disses, broken equipment, long rides to warehouses and shelling out more and more cash, I am getting ready 4 my second shoot today. Yes, u read right. I’m only on the second shoot of the calendar. Started months ago but the Universe told me to sit my ass down and be patient. With much resistance I’m finally learning. I think. But I’m such a busy body, i can’t just sit and wait. so in the mean time and in between time i’ve revamped the Hard Candy myspace page. Oh yeah, did y’all know we were on myspace? Yeah, i never mentioned it cuz well, i never gave it much attention. but i’ve had time on my hands while tryin 2 get a model 2 show up. so if u find yourself with time on your hands. go there and make friends. www.myspace.com/hardcandycalendar.

since i was on a roll, i went on and got a facebook page started up. sooooooo, if that’s your thing.
add yourself as a fan on fb. HardCandyStudCalendar is the name to look up. yay!

but it didn’t stop there. i really had some serious down time. i added another entry to my Lez Beaus series. it’s in its infant stage but i hope to get these little ladies going on a regular basis. i’ll put them on the Poetry & Stuff page of the Hard Candy Calendar website. real soon and repost the original pic along with it. (Sorry for being so late with it Telle. I’ll get it to you).

in addition 2 finding my whole high school pompom team on face book and fussing around on myspace i have been working the camera. and since i didn’t have any models, i used myself. so i’ve done a couple of self portraits. so, if anything else, i could just fuck around a do a calendar of myself. LOL nah, i couldn’t do that. it’s so not me.

well enough about me. it’s time 2 get back on these lovely Hard Candy models. wish me luck on my next shoot!

Frustrated

suitesomethings — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 01:15:33 +0000

So the three shoots i had the other day turned out 2 b just one. i’m eternally grateful to my gyrls Telle and Kuni 4 coming thru 4 me.

Hard Candy Calendar 2010 Taurus

as u can c, the shoot went well and i felt great afterwards. felt productive and accomplished.

still high off of the last shoot i was ready 4 the next which was 2 take place the next day and i got more of the same. schedule conflicts and whatnot. i’m starting to think there’s a conspiracy going on. so whassup? or maybe i’m being impatient.

then i was supposed 2 have a shoot 2day. and i blew one of my lights! arrrggggghhhh! conspiracy i tell ya! i’m pushing on. will continue 2 push forward and make this happen. next shoot….Monday. wish me luck.

Hard Candy 2010 Underway

suitesomethings — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:13:47 +0000

i know i’ve been away for quite sometime. i’ve been organizing and preparing 2 shoot the new wall calendar. it’s almost 7am and i’ve been up since 4. i have a photoshoot today, actually, three shoots. and i rarely sleep b4 a shoot. i’m always too excited and too nervous. it’s my thing. my craft. so i’m working out poses in my head. i’m getting the technical aspects figured out. the lights, the camera settings the backdrop. and the models. oh the models.

so far today is my third photo session for the 2010 calendar. but i still don’t have a single shot for the calendar. false starts. just a bunch of false starts. i’ll give u guys the back stories later. just having trouble wrangling up the gyrls is all. no biggie. just the way the cookie crumbles. my first shoot didn’t go down cuz my femme couldn’t make it. i really didn’t want that to slow it down, so i jumped in. Tina, shown in the pic with me was a great sport. always down 2 do whatever needs 2 b done. but because i didnt’ want to be all up in my calendar, i simply made it a promo piece. so she’ll have 2 come back for the real shoot with another model.

2010 Hard Candy Stud Calendar

i was fantasizing that this year would go smoother than last year’s but no such luck. not that there’s any drama or serious issues. i’m just extremely anxious to shoot the calendar and get it out. i love starting new projects and i’m geeked to get it completed.

the response has been greater than that of last year and there’s just as much enthusiam in the models as there is in me which is more than i can ask for. but even with all of our willingness, schedules just aren’t working in our favour. eh, c’est la vie.

this is going 2 b my obsession for the next few months. i’ll keep u guys posted on it’s progress. hey, that’s what this blog was originally started for anyway. LOL so i’m back on track.

Gay “Pride”

suitesomethings — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:07:01 +0000

Hard Candy Stud Calendar participated in our first Pride parade in Chicago this year. there was nothing but fun and sun. thank goodness for Gatoraid! as i walked and walked and walked and walked along the parade routes, i had plenty of moments where my mind simply wandered. looking into the faces of gays and their supporters ranging in ages from 2 months old to 800 months old, screaming in support of the floats but mostly screamin 2 get beads tossed at them, i wondered what was all this really about? i mean really really. is this pride?

i look at the gay pride parade and it seems 2 b a freak show for white gay men. with the rainbow wings and the assless chaps providing more ammunition for our detractors. nothing about the pride festivities actually show PRIDE. events that celebrate our dignity, courage and perserverance simply do not exist. what’s the point of a party? we have gay “parties” every weekend at the club. how is a pride party different? it’s not. it’s just more people. i guess more makes it special somehow. the whole thing leaves me unfulfilled and a little bit sadder. i love being around my fellow gays but in what capacity? running around like a bunch of crazies on the street. getting drunk and lookin like fools? yes, i know i’m generalizing. but seriously all the decent folk get drowned out by the not-so-decent. when u’r young, all this aimless hoopla is fun. there’s no goal but to scream, get full and possibly meet someone new. but when u get older and have responsibilities to get back to, it’s not really a good idea to work your body so hard and u got a significant other to go home with already. the luster is gone. the only ones that seem 2 keep their zeal is the white gay male. they’re out there in full force from the young young boys all the way to the senior citizen bears. there aren’t as many blacks out there. then again we have black gay pride next week.

now i know what i just said sounds all fucked up. but i’m at a stage in my life where i want a little more meaning. i’m all for having fun. but i think we should name it accordingly. it seemed 2 b more of a gay mardi gras as opposed to gay pride. but then i stop and wake the hell up and see that there is pride. it’s all over the place. there are people that want to say something.

but wait! who’s to say that everything has 2 be all serious and making statements 2 the world? sometimes one has to blow off some steam and just let go of all of the bullshit that we get on the regular and just be free. just for a day.

Happy Pride Everyone

Call Me Mr. Lez

suitesomethings — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 22:16:29 +0000

doms are womyn with swagger. womyn. right? they don’t want 2 b a man. some. right? some do. right? i don’t really know. i’m askin you. what’s the deal with the masculine pronouns, nicknames and whatnot.

ok, sometimes butches get mistaken for dudes. they brush it off, ignore it and let it go. fine. i get it. sometimes it’s annoying to explain. or u dont’ feel like it dealing with the ignorant. buuuut, when u’r with your gyrl and she calls u ‘daddy’; whassup with that? ok ok, all in good fun. but i’ve heard some gyrls who were dead ass serious with it.

screennames that have “Mr. This” or “Mr. That”. or simply shortening your birthname 2 b more masculine. isn’t this exactly what our detractors are talking about? isn’t this the behaviour of the confused? y’all know i love me some studs. why use masculine labels? seems contradictory as a lesbian. will feminine labels take away the swagger?

Men not wanted but needed

suitesomethings — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:23:37 +0000

it’s June and just like last month was about mothers. this month is about the fathers. well, i dunno if i could dedicate a month’s worth of posts about men (and how they relate to us), but let’s see.
last month’s poll was about dating womyn with children. pleasantly, most people displayed no prejudice against the mommies. a few people would under certain conditions and one person said they’d date a woman with kids as long as the father wasn’t in the picture. that’s a very curious answer. i would love 2 ask her 2 elaborate. but since i can’t. i will go on the conversations that i’ve personally had about men and the necessity of their presence.

the common stereotype about lesbians is that we hate men. i’ll speak 4 myself in saying that that is absolutely not true. i was a daddy’s gyrl all the way. i love my brother dearly. and i have a slew of uncles and male cousins that have made my life much richer. i don’t have a romantic interest in them but i recognize that they do bring a balance to life. i imagine that the only reason that that person said they’d get involved with a mommy if the daddy wasn’t around is due to the idea that they may be threatened by his presence. but if a person is worried about their mate going back, then it doesn’t matter if the baby daddy was there or not. there’s a lack of trust and that’s a-whole-nother issue.

i believe that kids should have the benefit of a father or father figure in their lives but not in that rigid traditional sense. i am of the belief that it does take a village to raise a child and think that that male figure can come in the form of granddad, uncle, brother, cousin and even friend down the block. while i was adamant about my kids’ father being in their lives and am grateful that he is. however, if he wasn’t, i would get past the disappointment and find other ways to get that masculine influence in their life. it’s sad to think that there are some lesbians that think that men were not needed. that’s crazy talk. everyone and everything in this Universe is needed. ( i swear one day scientists are gonna find out that the appendix did something great for us. but i digress LOL) males are needed. but i think how they’re injected into one’s life is flexible.

MILF Island

suitesomethings — Mon, 25 May 2009 04:07:39 +0000

everyone has heard the bleak statistic that 70% of black children are born to single mothers. there is clearly a break down in relationships between men and womyn. i have no solution for that. but i do want to discuss some of the fall out. due to the changing climate, there seems 2 b an influx of frustrated womyn turning 2 womyn because some man has let them down. i’m noticing more and more womyn accepting these str8 womyn with open arms into the tribe with no questions asked. has the lesbian community become the land of the MILFs?

it’s not simple cases of womyn being in the closet and deciding that they can no longer pretend. i wish it were that. instead, there are womyn who are disappointed, let down, and hurt that honestly believe that being with other womyn will alleviate their pain. silly mortals. oh, so womyn can’t hurt other womyn? ha! and the irony of that thinking is that they turn out to b the ones hurting folks once they realize that they can’t pretend to be gay for too long.

i could create a set of encyclopedias with the stories of lesbians who get their hearts crushed by some bisexual that ran back to their camp. but really it’s not bisexuals at all. i think that most of these womyn are just not gay in the first place. they just want a warm body in their huts, free baby sitting or someone to help with the hunting. that’s it. as much as i wish there some sort of ritual we could perform to know who’s legit, we can’t. instead we go thru the trials and challenges until we meet with the hope of winning the prize at the end.

the prize of love that is all to romaticized among womyn. sounds obvious right? romance and love belong together. but not if u’r looking for it in all the wrong villages. i believe in the miracle of love as much as the next chick but too many of my sisters are way to unrealisitc to function well in relationships. putting up with a whole lot of bull that they know is bull but still hoping that love can come out of that. well it can’t. i know it. they know it and the st8 momma’s that they date know it. it’s high time folks woke up and quit walking over hot coals and voted the st8 MILFs off the island.

Worries of a Gay Mom

suitesomethings — Wed, 20 May 2009 00:16:44 +0000

i’m a natural worrier. i just do it. for everything. i worry about germs. i worry about war. i worry about finances. i worry about the weather. just worry. and having children multiplied the worry factor by 100. i have 2 little human beings to worry about. i worry about their health. i worry about their grades. i worry about their future. i worry. the same worries that all mothers have. now add in the gay thing. that just multiplied the worry by another 100.

i worry that they won’t understand. i wonder if they’ll be teased. i worry if they’ll resent me. i worry if they’ll miss out on a “normal” life. i worry if they’ll have worries.

i second guessed myself for a little while but realized that i can only do the best i can and let the Universe handle the rest. i meditate and pray. i rationalize and explain. but the worries persist. i don’t feel guilt…

anymore…

i worry. they love their other mom. but only after a very rough adjustment phase. i worry if it’s over or if more adjustment is needed. my son will be a teenager soon. i worry that gay mommy will be more ammunition for rebellion. he’s a good boy but i can’t stop hormones from doing what they do.

i worry about the burden that they have to bear. seems like a bit much to place on an autistic daughter. she already has one challenge and here i am giving her another. tho’ she is handling it all like a pro. i’m so proud of her. i wonder. i worry. then i wonder. where this all will lead them.

i worry about it all. i sleep on it then i live.

Stud Moms Get No Respect

suitesomethings — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:03:58 +0000

Mother’s Day was lovely for me and my family. times are tight so we kept it simple. material gifts took a back seat. my gyrl’s family has a tradition in which the family gathers for dinner and everyone serves the mothers. all the place settings had our names and as the year before i was included and terribly flattered. however, my gyrl wasn’t included at the table of honor. instead she was relegated to the back with the children and fathers. wasn’t quite sure how i felt about that.

while i appreciate the fact that i have been accepted as the lesbian partner in this very religious family, i also couldn’t shake the feeling that they were stereotyping her as the man of the relationship. or maybe that was my over sensitivity talking. no, she did not give birth to the kids but she is still very much a mother to them. what if the kids were adopted? would people still have the same attitude? i doubt it. adopted moms are treated as moms. but since my mate is a dominant woman, she has to serve me and and honor me on this day for mothers as if she hasn’t been cooking and cleaning and rearing them for years. she was ok with it. but i couldn’t help but sigh at the idea that she still doesn’t have a place. no gift. no recognition for all the hard work she has put into our two children. only the kids understand her position. kids always seem 2 understand more than adults do.

we have all been trained and brainwashed to go with the status quo. it’s understandable when it’s st8 people. but as gays we have been forced to question the norm and search for what is right within ourselves. and yet, we too, apply these mommy/daddy stereotypes in our community. i have heard of studs who have given birth and people just shake their heads and look on in pity or even disgust. they lose their stud card cuz they chose to acknowledge what God gave them. a uterus and ovaries. here i am sighing again. studs can’t win for losing. they get put down because their not feminine but when they do something that is considered a woman’s thing, then they don’t count as studs anymore.

they’re not seen as mommies nor daddies. so are dominant womyn not supposed to be parents at all?!

i’m kicking myself for not having more stud designs in my card shop (www.cafepress.com/Kinetic_Cards). i wanted to acknowlede two mom households for Mother’s Day which i did. i designed some greeting cards for stud mommas too but the designs were ignored. no one had an interest in them so i didn’t put them up. i shoulda did it on principle. i’m now beating myself up for it. i recognize the stud mommies out there. i know u do a thankless job. and u do it completely invisible to the world.